Premature Ejaculation (PE) is men’s most prevalent sex problem and yet, being shrouded in shame and embarrassment, it’s not openly talked about. While men experiencing impotence can visit their GP and get some ‘blue pills’, they’re unlikely to receive any beneficial support for premature ejaculation.
As men get older the likelihood of PE increases, but few men have successful strategies for dealing with it; they often avoid intimacy, blame it on their partners, pretend its ok, when deep inside it isn’t, or just declare that is part of getting older and then must learn to live with it. All resulting in a lack of sex, which we all know is essential for our well-being and success of most intimate relationships.
Why does PE occur? Culturally many men are fed on a diet of porn leading it to become the chief sex educator in most western countries. Most porn is fast, genital, friction based and focused on the goal of ejaculation.
When we watch porn and masturbate at the same time essentially we’re programming our bodies to follow the same upward trajectory as we see on the screen. This puts huge pressure on our nervous systems by pushing us into sympathetic arousal leading to rapid ejaculation, the penis has no other choice!
The whole process is fed by our dopamine reward system, in that it feels good to ejaculate, so we keep on repeating the same habit and hard wire it into our neurology. What we are dealing with here is an addiction to ejaculation.
Like with all addictions, it is possible to break this habit, by committing to a practice that supports the creation of new pleasure pathways.
Learning how to regulate arousal with the breath, along with moving the pelvis to open it to create more space for sexual energy, combined with exploring new ways to touch the genitals and the whole body when engaging in masturbation is the way to the solution!
Men’s partners report the shift from goal orientated sex, to a more playful sex where ejaculation is a choice and the intention is intimacy, creates more fulfilling sex and happier longer-lasting partnerships.
I’ve been successfully working with men and couples supporting them to make this shift from premature ejaculation to ejaculatory choice by teaching them my ‘Ejaculatory Choice Program.’ Through which I’ve witnessed hugely successful results.
Now’s the time to make the changes and step into Ejaculatory Choice so you can have the fulfilling sexual experiences you’ve been longing for. If you want to discuss joining the program and having 1:1 coaching sessions with me then email: email@example.com
Premature Ejaculation Support
About 4 years ago I first experienced a Full Body Energetic Orgasm, my body shook and convulsed, I connected to deep pain and cried then broke into pleasure rushing through my body: I was riding the wave of pure ecstasy! For the next few days my body felt electric, vibrant and radiating health and well-being. The profundity of this changed how I viewed my sexuality, what I perceived orgasm to be, and showed me the wisdom that sexual energy wasn’t just for the bedroom but was actually the most powerful energy available for healing.
I made it my mission to explore the power of sexual energy for healing my own body, discovering the ever more subtle nuances of energetic orgasm. I now share this healing with my clients in 1:1 sessions and in workshops both in the UK and overseas.
I start by teaching the concept that everything is made of energy. Quantum physicists have been exploring this idea and realised what we perceive to be solid objects, such as the chair you may be sitting on or the computer you are reading this article on, are in fact comprised of atoms which are vortices of spinning energy constantly vibrating and radiating their own signature. Meaning that our seemingly solid bodies are comprised of energy and all the time are creating our emotional, physical, and perceptual experiences and if we change the energy we can change the resultant state of our bodies.
Once people realise this I see a radical shift in their beliefs and attitudes towards sexuality.
Most people believe they can only experience an orgasm in the genitals, but there’s much more to be explored and discovered. Providing there is enough energy, we can experience an orgasm in any part of the body.
When the whole body is engaged its called a full body energetic orgasm.
An energetic orgasm is completely different than your traditional genital orgasm. It involves much more than tension release or genital ejaculation and has very much to do with the movement of energy throughout the whole body. Surprisingly this can be achieved without using touch or taking any clothes off.
In the ‘normal’ approach of “friction-based sexuality”, or what we usually refer to as sex, we seem to want to get rid of our sexual energy, through ejaculation or tension release orgasm.
In a full body orgasm session, the energy is encouraged to move through the body, instead of directing it out of the body through our sexual organs. So we can experience an orgasm in the heart or in the belly. Watch my video demonstration here.
Drawing the sexual energy upwards, and rerouting and expanding the sexual energy from the genital area, you will begin to feel the energy pulsate throughout your body. If there is pain or stagnant energy (blockages) residing within your body, you may feel this arise as an emotion that is looking for expression. You may feel emotions of anger, sadness or guilt as this energy passes through you. Once expressed and released, you can then expect to feel increased pleasure surge throughout your body. This can go on for hours, unlike a genital orgasm which often lasts seconds.
Anyone who has experienced a full body orgasm this will report a feeling of liberation, aliveness and emotional freedom.
For most people, the energy from the genitals connects with energetic blockages in the body, and it is used to clear whatever blockages arise in those areas.
What generally arises for people in the first few sessions are the emotions associated with their sexual conditioning, such as guilt, shame and fear, as well as the emotional stories of their life. It’s because of these blockages, that it is rare that somebody goes straight into a full body orgasm on the first try.
What we are looking is the state where energy moves freely, from the genitals to the crown. For most people, there is a journey to get there, and this is a journey through those blockages.
I’ve worked with women who have suffered from sexual abuse, and sex workers who have said yes to healing and new life decisions. I emphasise that if we view sexual energy as healing energy, we can open up to very deep healing and transformation.
The average love making session lasts approximately ten minutes and one in ten men in the world are thought to suffer from erectile dysfunction, which usually goes hand in hand with a second problem – performance anxiety. If this is a psychological problem, it can be conquered. The full body energetic orgasm teaches men how to get out of their minds and into their bodies.
During this process, erections are lost and regained over and over again thus working directly with the fear (the root cause of the problem) and wishing it well on its exit through the body. Even if it’s a physical problem then men can learn to have and enjoy really yummy sex lives! By running your sexual energy and spreading it throughout the body, men can experience orgasmic energy even without an erection.
Men and Women can enjoy multiple orgasms, over and over again. Women in long-term relationships reclaim their sex lives and men who are open to Tantric practices find that they are able to remain aroused for hours. The goal is not the orgasm. It is a deep letting go and total surrender to the person with whom you share the space. It is an experience that will strengthen your inner peace, strength and self-confidence, as well as revolutionising your understanding of sex as it is commonly known today.
The Full Body Energetic Orgasm: Revolutionise Your Sex Life.
Sex and Intimacy are perhaps two of the most difficult subjects to talk about for most people. Our collective fear, which has been running through our societies for centuries, has a lot to answer for. Most of us have received the conditioning that sex is somehow dirty and wrong. We’ve been told our pleasure is shameful and if really expressed it won’t be accepted by our families and cultures. We live our lives with limits on our pleasure, delegating it to the bottom of our list of priorities.
Suppressing our sexual desires forms a relationship of incongruence between what our bodies want and what our mind thinks is acceptable. We squash down our sexual energy and pretend its not there. But as Freud said what-ever is unconscious rules us, so this suppressed sexual or life force energy creates patterns of disease, along with erectile dysfunction, and an inability to orgasm. It forms the content of our unconscious sexual fantasies and through the disconnection from our hearts it can turn into patterns of addictive sexual behaviour, from pornography addiction to rape and abuse. Repressed sexual energy is damaging to our bodies, our minds, our relationships and the societies we live in.
Living in a climate of sexual fear, we fear being judged by ourselves, by the other and by society. We live in fear of the voice of the super ego telling us that we are right, or we failed again and are wrong. At the core of many people’s wounding is the belief that they are not good enough. That no matter how hard they try their attempts will be met with a level of criticism powerful enough to destroy any self-worth built on unstable ground.
Deep within at the base of our bodies, most of us carry the fear of being abandoned, arising from the felt realisation that we need others to survive in this world. Being on our own is akin to being cast out from the safety of the tribe into the wilderness so we cling on to unhealthy relationships to prevent this wound from being felt.
While most of us long for relationship we also fear being seen, in our smallness, in all the judgments we have about ourselves, the shame we feel and our inadequacy. We hide this from the other, hoping that we can relate from the parts of ourselves that we deem to be good enough and that the rest can hide away in the cupboard, with the door firmly locked.
The octopus of fear has us well and truly caught up in its tentacles, constricted, heart broken and emotionally castrated and ultimately drowning in the fear of not being Loved.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.– Frank Herbert
In true intimacy we want to be cradled in Love, in total acceptance, we want to see the desire in the eyes of our lover and feel it in their bodies. We want to join, to become one, to move our energies as one being and to connect with something far greater than ourselves in the union that Love Making is. But our fear stops us, our shadows are locked away and so we remain disempowered, unhappy and sexually unfulfilled.
The solution is a shift in consciousness, an awakening to freedom. Where we are heard in our desires, seen as sexual, met with acceptance, where we connect intimately with the people we love, and are liberated beyond the shackles of conformity. Living a life of Joy, Love, and Ease.
Conscious sexuality takes us to the deepest bliss of our being where we can experience making love with all of ourselves, where there is space for the grief, the pain the joy and the pleasure all in one place as we learn to drop away from our programming.
This isn’t a journey for the faint hearted, nor for those who are looking for a quick fix. This is a committed path where you will meet every dragon and demon that you’ve buried deep within your psyche, and in laying down your sword and ending the fight of duality, between good and bad, you’ll learn to love all these parts of yourself. To bring them home within the safety and the vastness that you are.
For these brave souls the rewards of true intimacy, where a meeting of hearts creates the crucible for transformation, is the prize. Where sexuality meets spirituality and the oneness of all can be discovered in your very being.
Let me guide you in a Tantric Path of Freedom session, meet your dragons and claim your Freedom, Love and Pleasure!
Fear of Sex and Intimacy